If cartoon ponies were real, would you fuck them? If so/not, please explain.
i recently got into mlp, (something i am a little surprised by) I like the show and the art style. it is lighthearted fun. but sex with a pony? i really just don’t get that i’ve seen the thread simulators and they’re hilarious, but, I assume it is a joke. I mean they do not appeal to me sexually so yea, there is your answer… I would however hug fluttershy non-sexually, if you know what i mean…
My Evolutionary Justification For Hating Your Kids
Ever been in a public place and find yourself trying to ignore the shrill screams of someone’s fire engine siren/howler monkey hybrid reproductive droppings? If you are anything like me, I’m sure you’ve asked yourself “What the fucking, fuck is wrong with that kid and who are it’s parents?!” I mean seriously, I get that it’s just a child and that kids are these little need machines, “I’m hungry.” ”I’m teething.” ”My diapers are full of poop!” I get it, but, why is it so ear splitting loud? Fuck.
Well let’s turn to nature for moment, specifically the world of baby bird rearing. You see baby bird’s pull this shit too. When they’re hungry, every animal within 300 meters gets to hear about it. And there is a very good reason why they do this too. It attracts predators. Sounds fucked up, right? Well here’s how the theory goes. The bird’s parents have instincts to care for their young and a big part of that is keeping predators away. So what do you do when you have a baby chick squawking it’s head off and there’s a snake nearby? Whatever the hell that little fucker wants, that’s what! Which when you look at it means that baby birds are pretty hardcore. It’s literally like they are saying to their parents “Look, you will give me what I want, or, I will get us and everyone around us, murdered.” Good survival genes dictate that mama bird pukes dinner for the loudest one in the nest, fast!
Human beings evolved in the wild too, and it stands to reason that our young evolved the same feed me or die behavior. And it kind of makes sense too. I mean, if the kids screams are meant to attract lions, tigers, and the occasional baboon is it any wonder our immediate reaction is “Jeeesus Christ lady! will you pour a pudding cup down that little asshole’s throat already?” Is that why we consider people who just ignore all the noise shitty parents?
”But Dr. Spock said…” Fuck Dr. Spock! I don’t care what the newest baby book on Oprah’s list says and I don’t care that I’m at the mall food court. 950 thousand years of evolution are telling me that there is a pack of smilodons in the tall grass and I do not want my jugular torn out because you’re a progressive parent! Feed that brat! Or, give him whatever toy he wants! Or, just take him away; this is survival we’re talking about here, God damn it!
But, let’s go back to those birds. Every once in a while one of those little chicks will not shut up. It gets fed and taken care of but it just keeps squealing away. It can’t help itself; it just has a broken behavioral switch. What’s a mama bird to do? Well, in nature, she tosses the little jerk out of the nest, away from the other chicks, and inevitably to the mercy of Mother Nature … who… well, has no mercy.
And this always makes me think of that one Texas mother, who straight up drowned her own children. I mean, what if those kids, just, wouldn’t shut up? Did her “keep the predators away” instinct kick in? Maybe deep in her reptile brain she thought ”Well they ain’t shutt’in up, a tiger is bound to show up sooner or later, what am supposed to do here?” Well, infanticide, duh.
(sigh) Don’t get me wrong, I am not seriously advocating offing kids with ADHD. But, c’mon moms, could you just take the kid out of the theater? I’m trying to watch a Michael Bay movie and I don’t want to miss the plot.